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A Guys Side of Things

May 12, 2011

I stumbled across a blog site today that caught my attention. The site is called “Secrets in the Shadows“. I really don’t know if i’m committing some sort of blogging faux pas here, but one of the posts that caught my attention i am going to share here:

A Guys Side of Things:

I said in my first post that I was going to tell the story of a young man who was touched by abortion. You might think I’m going to talk about my husband and the abortion of our child, but no; this is the story of a young man that was gathered around the campfire that night in my “Breaking news” post. The young man in this story was not just one of the youth at the campout; he is my youngest son, Mark. He was not only touched by facing the fact that he had another sibling that he would never know in this life; but it was only a couple of years after that night that he was faced with the abortion of his own child.

They began dating on a choir trip they both attended during spring break of his sophomore and her freshman year of high school. They had been dating over a year when she became pregnant.

She didn’t want to be pregnant, and her parents didn’t want to deal with shame of a pregnant daughter; nor did they want her or their lives altered with a child at that point. We had a meeting of both sets of parents with the two kids to talk about what should be done, but regardless of me telling them of my abortion and the effects it had, they were set on the course they intended to take, and off to the clinic they went.

He wasn’t excited about the idea of being a father at that point in his life, but he didn’t want to see the life of the child taken either.  I remember him stretched out across his bed, me sitting on the edge trying to comfort him as he cried.  He lost a child that day, and I lost my first grandchild. It was a very difficult time for both of us and it created a bond between us that few will understand. They did manage to date for another year after that, but things deteriorated and came to an end.

When the topic of abortion as had come up since then, if he was in the room, I could see the tears well in his eyes and the constriction in his throat. His struggle is different in the fact that she made the choice and his opinion was not going to matter, he was not the one who thought it was a good idea, and he still felt the loss.

Like with my abortion, not much had been said over the years, but we’ve talked more since I began the blog, and he told me he’s more affected now when he sees a child of the appropriate age and thinks that he could have a child that age too. We have stayed in contact with the girl’s family, and we know that she married and just recently gave birth to her second child. He said her life doesn’t bother him, but he has asked the question “How is she doing herself?” Now that she has children, does she think about their child?

This fall we have attended the football games of boy whose parents we are friends with, and there son happens to be about the age of what Mark’s child would have been.  Mark is close friends with the dad, and I’ve noticed he takes great care to be around the boy and support him. He has always been good with kids over the years and has always gone out of his way with them, but I think there is an extra soft spot for this boy.

Even though Mark was only 17 at the time, I think he would have been a great dad and he will be one day when the time comes. I can’t help but be a proud mom to see the young man he has become and thankful that he was willing to let me tell his story.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. May 12, 2011 2:26 pm

    What a sad but beautiful story. It brings up so many issues this story does about abortion, woman’s rights and the father’s rights. But yet still it touches you in a way that only God can understand. I know of someone who has had two terminations in the past few years and her boyfriend was more heartbroken than she was. And while only they can justify what they have done it does make you stop and think about so many things.

    • May 12, 2011 5:50 pm

      Thank-you for your response, and thank-you for sharing the story. It is always interesting the responses i get when i tell people that the issue of abortion lays heavy on my heart. As a single guy without kids this seems to be one thing they think shouldn’t affect me as much. But as you stated, this story, and abortion in general, touches a person in a way that only God can understand. The reality is that so often the father is left out of the decision making process altogether, and may never even know that the mother was in fact pregnant. Those fathers never even knew they were fathers, but when a man stands up like this and says i want this child, and is so callously left out of anything, that tears a hole in any heart.

  2. May 14, 2011 4:29 am

    I think it’s a very sensitive issue and a tough one. When a female finds herself in this position it’s enough of an issue for her herself to deal with let alone worry about anyone elses feelings.

  3. May 14, 2011 4:38 am

    But sadly it’s so often forgotten that both are in this together.

    Also I wanted to say that copying someone’s post I think is ok as long as you put the link where you copied from below. That’s what I usually do. 🙂

    • May 15, 2011 6:39 am

      it is such a sensitive issue, and one that is often hidden from the public eye. I should have added in my other comment that the reality is that the father is often left out of the decision making process altogether, or worse yet, is involved but is the one pushing so hard for the abortion. I’ve read enough stories of mothers to be who would not have had an abortion if the father would have been present and willing to help raise the child. Instead, these fathers push for the abortion so that life can go on as “normal”, whatever that ends up being after.

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